I never thought I'd be something anyone would be proud of so I feel little shame in not being successful. Some people spend most of their lives being depressed because they had so many plans and nothing worked out. When I was a kid I played in the dirt all the time. I've worked at a few factories and hated them. Even when I was driving a forklift I was unhappy. Just being stuck inside bores me, plus the bullshit of having to work beside people that are lazy and stupid is a drain. When I was 14 I started working on a dairy farm. For the next 4 yrs I worked there every weekend and all summer. The physical work was back breaking, I had to have a hernia operation at 16, but I loved it. If you've never put hay in a barn you haven't lived. Up in the barn on a hot day the temp. is twice what it is outside. The bales drop every minute and you have to scramble to get them in place before the next one drops. I loved that job and would do it again if I could. For the last 3 yrs. I've been working for a landscaper. Most of the work is physical. I enjoy it like I enjoyed the farm. Problem is not enough money and the asshole I work for puts no value in employee's. So I'm at a crossroads. If I take a factory job that brings in more money, my enjoyment goes way down. If I stay doing what I'm doing than my family will never have the things we want. I see a definite opening for me to start my own business but the risk scares me. I never thought I could own and operate a business. My current boss doesn't have the ability to exploit the market around us. He can't see how much bigger his company could be. I do. So you can see my problem. If I stay a labourer then everything stays the same, I get to play in the dirt with heavy equipment and push my body as hard and as far as I can. If I start my own company I can still work hard but I have to also work smart. I see the potential of my own company. I know the prices, costs and profit of the business and its potential is huge. I'm not talking about becoming a millionaire, but making enough to be comfortable and make it easier for my kids to not have to use their bodies to make money. I only have a few months to decide what to do. I wanted to make a go of it last year but never had the nuts too. I hope this year I can clear my head and do what I need to.