I think I need to set clear goals for my life. I'm 33 and still wandering around with no clue where I'll be in ten years. I have major doubts about my ability to run my own business. But I also can't see slipping back into factory life. That's definitely not for me. I can't take the politics and dealing with so many people. I'd prefer to work alone for the rest of my life. Until I can figure out these big goals, small attainable goals is where I should start.

1. Wake every morning and be thankful to my wife and kids that I am still here with them.

2. Be a better listener.

3. Clean the back room.

4. Control moods.

5. Paint the house.

This list could be huge but I need to keep it something that I can do.

The animals are on the move. I narrowly missed a group of deer and 2 raccoons tonight. The deer were first. I was driving home, taking my usual back roads way. I had stopped taking it for the winter but its back to being a good solid road again. So it was dark out and I was in a ceder swamp. I just made out the shape of their bodies when it seemed they were right in front of me. I hit the brakes and one of them(there were four) Walked into the center of the road. I honked the shit out of the horn She jumped to the west side to join her other two friends. There is still one on the east side who's pacing the truck as I have really slowed down. I look out the passenger window and she's looking right at me I hammered the gas pedal and took off. I've heard of deer running into the sides of cars so I didn't want to be beside her when she decided to cross. The raccoons were a couple of km.'s apart one just made it across in front of me the other retreated to the ditch without even trying. I hate hitting any animal but when I'm doing 100 km/hr on a gravel road I can't really just stop on a dime. I'll do what I can to avoid it but it still happens. Chrissy's brother Ben and I once had a cat run in front of us while we were driving through Hamilton. He used a few of his lives that day. The cat had no sooner made it past us when a dog ran right into us. He hit the drivers side door pretty hard. We looked behind us. The dog was dazed for a second then he picked back up the chase.

Its Easter morning. The kids have finished their egg hunt. There's still a few eggs hidden around the house I had counted 18 but they have found a few since then. We're going to take the kids out for a walk this afternoon. We're going to go down to the river. Emma really wants to raise tadpoles this year so she wants to see if they have hatched. I'm not sure the frogs are even out yet. Its warm during the day but there is still a frost every morning. I'm not sure I want to raise frogs but I never thought we'd have 2 lizards either. She plans on letting them go in the summer. I'm sure We are all going to learn a lot about frogs this spring. I think I'll wash the living room windows this morning. A little Easter gift for my chic. Chrissy always gets so happy when I take the windows out and wash them. The winter dirt really collects on the front windows. It doesn't take too long maybe 20 mins a window.

I was at the doctors today getting the stitches out of my hand from carpel tunnel surgery. While I was in the waiting room I overheard a conversation between this od man and what I thought was his daughter. As the convo continued I realized she must have been his helper, aid. She was talking about the trip she was about to go on with her family. The were going somewhere in the states. I cant remember where but it's warm. So then the old guy reaches in his wallet and hands her a check. She says oh no Roy I told you no more. He says your gonna need it for your trip. She didn't hesitate one bit. When they came out from seeing the doc She sets the appointment up for 2 weeks later then when the doc wanted it because she was going to be on vacation. She asked him 3 or 4 times while in the waiting room if he needed to go to the bank to get some money for him and Gertrude. His wife I imagined. She creeped me out. She was a good looking 45 yr old but she didn't look too trust worthy. Maybe I had it all wrong. I should have tried harder to ignore them but it was tough. We were the only ones waiting. It bugged me the whole ride home. I hope it wasn't what I was thinking.

I have been pulling back from society for awhile. It doesn't bother me. I enjoy the quite. I'd run far away north if it wasn't for Christine and the kids. Its true the pull of solitude is strong. But the love for my family is stronger. I spent alot of time alone when i was a teenager. I liked to sit in the bush. Sometimes I would lie in a field and watch the clouds float by. My goal in being alone is a clear mind. To be without thought. My mom used to have relaxation tapes. I used to steal them and listen to them before falling asleep. You know the ones that have you relax your whole body focusing on the breathing. That kinda thing. Goodnight.

Sept. 9, 2007. Wow its been a year and a half. It feels like its time to pick this up again. I have a lot on my mind and no friends to talk to. I'm not whining about my friend situation. I'm rather comfortable with who is in my life. Seldom does anyone new come along who brings anything to my life. Is that arrogant? Friendship demands time and I have very little to spare. Plus the drama and craziness that they bring. I have enough Jerry Spinger moments in my life. Tomorrow morning I'm putting a ad in the paper for my new landscaping business. I have yet to name it. I had a name but decided against it. I was thinking something like Down the lane Landscaping. Its going to be an adventure thats for sure. I don't fear this economy. I am confident that I know what the customer wants and needs. The position my life is in right now means I cant fail. Everything and everyone is depending on me. My own life and future depend on it. Am I up for it. I sure as hell hope so.

Facebook.

I gotta tell ya it does nothing for me. Chrissy signed me up last spring, it was fun at first but then I don't know it just gets to be bullshit. People getting upset if you don't poke them back or write on their wall. I don't write on anyone's wall because I don't know what to say. Ex girlfriends have contacted me, kids I went to school with have added me. My whole family seems to be on it. Last week a girl I went to elementary school with, Sue, added me. Two days ago she writes this on my wall "Hey Dave...long time no see...like maybe grade 8?? What have you been up to for the past 15 years??" What the hell am I supposed to say. I never liked this chick when we were in school. I went to a catholic elementary school then went to a public high school. All the other kids stayed in the catholic school. Yeah I was a loser. I hung around other losers. Up until grade 6 we were all just kids then we separated, certain girls and boys hung around each other and only each other. I was never invited to b-day parties or dances. My best friend Christopher crossed over in grade 8 and we never hung out again. Christopher and Sue started dating in the summer between Gr. 7 and GR.8 After that he stopped calling me, I'd call and we'd talk for a minute then he'd have to go. My memory doesn't always work but I believe they broke up sometime in the middle of the school year and we started to hang out a bit but then they got back together and we just drifted apart. So what do I say to her. She said more to me on facebook then she did in the last 2 years I went to school with her. I'll probably just give her the "life's been good, 2 kids, beautiful wife" routine.